CHEMO: What I have Been Doing

Chemo is shit you guys!!
I wrote all about that and WHAT I HAVEN’T BEEN DOING in my last post.

Now let me tell you about WHAT I HAVE BEEN DOING.

Firstly I have been extra kind to myself about what I have not been doing.

No pressure. No guilt. Just rest, heal and do whatever feels right in my own time. Probably for the first time in my adult life.

I have been in bed a lot and it seems this space has allowed me to do some unexpected things.

I have read a ton of books, fiction and non- fiction. 

Somehow even though everything else is hard, reading is the one thing that I can always do with ease.

Books on finances, frugality and saving which are totally inspiring me at the moment.  Of course having Cancer makes me think deeply about what matters to me in life and how I’m providing for my children.  Whilst I’ll save all that for another post, I will say that I now have some big savings goals.

I have completely overhauled our finances and totally changed the way we handle our money.

Steve and I are both self employed so managing cashflow in our businesses and home is absolutely vital. We committed to learning and implementing a Profit First system for managing our money and it has been an absolute game changer for us. I’m going to write a post about this because it’s too important not to share.

I have been meal planning and ordering my groceries on-line.

I resisted doing this for years because I find it so boring and time consuming! That’s all changed now. I’m on it like a maniac. It saves a ton of money and it really does help lower the cognitive load at home. The last thing we need is to be wondering what to make for dinner and going to the shop everyday. Steve is holding this whole ship together right now and he works as well so this is something I can do to help. It takes me ages and I get so tired but it saves money and stress so I will do it!

I have cleaned out my wardrobe and removed everything that I’ll never wear again. 

I don’t have the mental capacity or the energy to sift through clothes and figure out what to wear. It’s such a challenge when my body has changed so dramatically and i’m really sick. So I chucked out tons of stuff and there’s still more to go.
I’m thinking of doing the challenge where you only own 30 items of clothing.

I have deep cleaned my studio.

I took a long time to work up to it. There’s so much hard work, hopes and dreams, exhaustion, struggle, fear and excitement , joy and happiness wrapped up in the studio.
Deep cleaning it is like cleaning out my soul. I took it one box/ shelf at a time. Slowly. Sitting down. It took days and days. Just an hour at a time. When it was done I felt so free. I felt like I could sit on my studio again and dream up the future. I also realised that I’m way too harsh on myself… my paintings are great!! 

Getting my Witch on!!

Making pure bees wax candles with herbs from my garden. Heating and pouring the wax, rolling the candles in Marrigold petals, loading them with intentions and magic. This gentle process brought me peace, rhythm, and connection with myself and my kids. It reminded me that I have power, strength and creativity within me.

I helped my oldest daughter to start her first blog.

So awesome!! I won’t share it here as she’s only just started but I’m so proud of her and I can already see how the process is encouraging her to expand her self expression and teaching her about the creative process. How to not censor yourself and stretch your self a little bit farther to make it better.

Congratulating myself that I have the best fucking people around me.

I’ve realised that one of my great strengths in life is surrounding myself with the most wonderful, supportive, fucking awesome people. Even people who have written to me but I haven’t responded yet, please know that I love you and appreciate you. I feel your genuine friendship and it means the absolute world.

There are more things but I think I’ll leave them for a different post.

Erin xx